I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”
My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.
So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
December 2011
It's the most wonderful time of the year! The tree is up and the gifts are wrapped. Cut the tree down (just like I used to with my kids) as soon as it snowed; it is full of ornaments with my kids names on them, so they can be with me for Christmas. My daughter has a name I don't often find on pre-printed ornaments, or anything really, so hers are all hand painted. My son and I have easy names to find. My friends and family have been giving me these ornaments every year, so by now I've got quite the collection.
Been gathering gifts all year long, from places I've been and whenever I see something I think they will like. Wrapped them up nice and put them under the tree for a few days to enjoy before sending them off in the mail to them, this year to their new house ~ how exciting for them to have their first Christmas in their nice new home with their mom ~ I'm so happy for them! They're on their way to getting a normal home life back...now all they need is the love and support of both their parents, and their whole family, and they'll be on their way to healing and peace in their hearts. That's my wish for them this Christmas ~ wholeness and peace.
Football Banquet ~
Congrats again to my son on another successful football season! Wish I could have seen a game or two, maybe next year I'll be invited to come. In the mean time, have fun at the banquet this weekend....and go Giants!
Chorus Concert Tomorrow ~
Wishing my daughter a fantastic chorus concert tomorrow night. It might be a little sad with the two students they lost over the past few weeks, but hopefully they will find the music uplifting and something to be happy about. Wish she wanted me there to see her; I'll just keep waiting for her to invite me. Sing your heart out sweetie, I can hear you from here!