I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Monday, October 10, 2011

October 2011

Fall Weddings ~

What great weather this past weekend for a wedding! Apparently October is a popular month to get married. My own wedding, to my children's mother was in October ~ October 20, 1995. If we were still married, it would be our 16th anniversary. If memory serves me correctly, the weather was nice on my wedding day too, although not quite *this* nice, it was a more typical fall day. Seems like so long ago.

On this perfect October weekend, I had two weddings to go to ~ a good friend of mine married his long time sweetheart, a second marriage for both of them; and my step-brother married his long time sweetheart as well, also his second marriage. My step-brother's wedding had an outdoor ceremony, so luckily it turned out to be a beautiful day for it. I'm so happy for him, he seems very happy and content, and his new wife is a delightful breath of fresh air who his children love and adore. It was also very nice to see his entire family there ~ his mom and his dad, and all their relatives. Even though his parents are divorced and haven't spoken to each other in years, it was refreshing to see the families come together in support of their children. There were similar "issues" on his new wife's side of the family ~ divorced parents who don't speak to each other, but who were cordial and gracious enough to give their daughter the wedding day she's always dreamed of, surrounded and loved by her entire family.


I thought my kids would like to see a photograph from the wedding that includes their grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins. My father and step-mother were of course in town for the wedding. They tried to call my children, to visit with them while they were in town, but were told that my children still don't want to see them. My kids are missing out on so much love, it saddens everyone to see my children go through that. As you can see from the photo, their cousins are getting bigger, taller, more beautiful, more handsome, and growing up ~ just like my own children. Everyone sends their love, prayers and best wishes to my kids.
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