I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Where did July go?

Wow, summer is flying by. July was a whirlwind of visits and family time. My dad and step mom started the month with an 8-day visit from Florida in early July. They stayed with me at my house, in the extra bedrooms I have saved for my kids someday. We stayed up late over chatty dinners, had good times over lazy morning breakfasts, and had a big family BBQ on the weekend. My dad even made me some very yummy zucchini muffins. He's a really good cook, must be where I get it from. My niece from Nova Scotia came in a few weeks before the rest of my sister's family so she got to come to the BBQ and visit with her grandparents. Afterwards we all played cards and my niece and step mom kicked my butt.

My niece has grown so much over the last year. She's become more outspoken and outgoing and a little less shy and reserved. She has a few little jobs to help save up money for college, plays soccer and still loves her horses. She's also become quite the photographer, capturing some really great people and scenery shots from her family travels over the last year. And she now has her driver's license and my dad even let her drive up the street to the store. He says she's a good driver. On top of all that, she's super smart, loves science class, and is looking more and more like my pretty sister every day. I'm so proud of her and glad we got to spend some extra time with her.

A week later my sister arrived from Nova Scotia with my other niece who had a soccer tournament that kept her busy sooner. Check her out, that's her flying through the air, the girl belongs in the Olympics. She's all of 5 foot something, not an ounce of fat on her, she packs a mean punch (believe me I know) and can kick a soccer ball or jump for a volley ball like it's nobody's business. My other niece took this photograph and you should see some of her other shots. Some serious talent between those two.

We took our annual trip to see Gramma in Ohio. Gramma is 92 and thinks she's 72. Still getting around just fine despite a nasty fall this spring where she broke her leg. She's got pins and rods and is practically bionic now, or at least she thinks she is. Still sharp as a tack, remembers the last thing we talked about a year ago and asked after my kids like she saw them just yesterday. I filled her in on their grades and activities, she sends her love. We hung out there for two days, watched a lot of Olympics, including the very bizarre opening ceremony, cycling, volleyball, track and swimming. Gotta admire the level of training and hard work those athletes put in.

Didn't get to see the cousins from Kentucky this time, but did see the cousins from nearby in Ohio and spend some time catching up with everyone. The kids are all getting taller and smarter and send hugs to my kids. Gramma still has her doggie friends, one of them, the bigger one, helped save her life when she fell this spring. The other is another stray that keeps hanging around and Gramma keeps feeding. Here's another great shot my niece took of the pups. Sure wish I could take them home with me, but I think Gramma needs them more than I do. There are a few more funny pictures from the Ohio trip posted on my facebook page.

After we got back to Rochester, my sister, brother-in-law and nieces came over for a BBQ. We picked all the veggies for dinner out of my garden, including sweet corn which was ready already, super early considering I planted in early May this year because of the mild winter. We had organic steak from the 1/4 cow I bought from a farmer in Naples. It was delightful. Afterwards we sat around the bon fire pit in my yard and told stories. Like the times at the cabin when we used to sit around the fire and throw stones in the woods so the kids would get scared and think there were things in the woods. Those stories evolved into tales of Peter Pan and bed pillow notes, it was a lot of fun!

Next thing I know, it's August and I'm a canning, freezing, garden preserving fool. The garden is in full bloom and I'm bringing veggie creations and gifts with me everywhere I go, including cottage parties on Conesus Lake with friends of mine including my god-daughter who just turned 17 yesterday. Holy cow, these kids are getting old, ha ha. I call her, and her sister, my nieces because our families are very close. My god-daughter is in the National Junior Honor Society and just came back from a week at a private and exclusive med-school camp in Boston and has returned a very different girl. Quite a bit more mature and looking forward to the next phases of her life in college and beyond. She has such a bright future ahead of her and I'm really excited for her. Her sister is no slouch either, a talented clarinet player who has been playing at Hochstein. Hard to fathom that I'm surrounded by such talented and gifted nieces with a world of possibilities ahead of them.

And now it's mid August, football season is approaching and I'm thinking about my son who will turn 15 later this month. He's such a smart boy, on the high honor roll and taking good care of himself, mind and body. You should see him, looks like he works out, he's got strong broad shoulders and biceps and calves that I envy. Ah, such is youth. I have to work so hard for mine, he probably does it effortlessly.

Here's a photo of the last birthday party that he and I shared together. It was a really special day that I will always remember. I hope he has a great birthday this year with his mom and her family and probably a few friends as well. I would love to take him out for lunch or a movie or golfing or anything really, for his birthday. We could have a nice little BBQ and bon fire and invite his family and friends he hasn't seen in almost 5 years now. It would be a lot of fun. All you have to do is call son, and I'll be there to make it happen. In the mean time, enjoy the rest of your summer and get yourself ready for the best football season ever. Would love to see him play, he's really good....fast, knows the game in his sleep, and most importantly he's a Giants fan just like me! Season opener coming up...Giants and Cowboys, let's watch it together son!

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