I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”
My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.
So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Valentine's Day!
I would like them to know, and the reason for this blog is so they know, that their family and friends will wait for them, and always be there for them ~ no matter what, no matter how long, no matter how painful, no matter the tall tales that are told, no questions asked ~ when they are ready to be whole again. We all love you Bucko and CeeCee. Hope you got my cards and had a wonderful day! xox love, Dad
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Super Bowl Time!
Football was always a big deal in our family. My son has been playing since he was old enough to run and my daughter was on the cheer squad for years. We spent our Sundays with the kids growing up running from game to game because they would sometimes be playing at different fields. We did our best to see it all. I don’t think my daughter cheers any more, she’s moved on to other interests, but my son is still playing and enjoying football. Hopefully he’ll get to play on the high school team next year.
I’ve got my Giant’s Bear and I’m ready for the game. It was a gift from my kids for my 39th birthday. I keep him in my office, but this weekend he’s home with me for the party. Go Giants!!!! I’m right there cheering with you, kids….love you both very much, enjoy the game!
UPDATE: What...a....game!!! Awesome game, all the way through. G-Men all the way. I'm sure my son is just coming out of his skin. Tried to text him, but it appears my phone is blocked...bummer. My dad called me the second the game was over, was so cool! Giants rock, paint the town bluuuuuuuue!!!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
January 2012
Feel better baby girl, I can see you now all wrapped with your blankets and stuffed cuddlies. Wish you wanted me there to comfort you and help you feel better, sending love and get well wishes. <3 Geeze, it's been a bad winter for this stuff with my kids.
Sundays and Football just go together ~
Even the dog knows....go Giants!! Pre-game preparation under way ~ gonna be yummy!
Update: Awesome game, so worth the good bessie with homemade accoutriments. San Fran is next, look out 49ers, we're hot and hungry for it!
How 'bout them Giants! ~
Watched the game with my kids, well, not actually *with* them of course, but with them in spirit, I'm sure they were watching too. The NY Giants are our team, lovin' them winning! I sent them a "Go Giants" cheer text to their phones. NFC East Champs. Let's keep it going G-Men. We'll all be watching the same game again next week and rootin'!
Happy New Year! ~
Happy New Year to my kids ~ I love them both very much and I always will. Nothing, not even time or passing years will change that. And no matter where they are, they are always in my heart. I’ll just keep sending messages of love and acceptance, knowing that one day they will hear them and understand that a parent’s unconditional love will never just stop or go away. I will always be here for them, even though they act like they have no idea.
I spent my holidays surrounded by my wonderful family and friends. Everyone sends their love and continues to reach out to my kids. With a few days to myself, I managed to find some videos kicking around of my daughter’s school chorus concert and shared them with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They sang a beautiful song about children, based on a poem by Khalil Gibran. I wonder if my daughter took a good look at the words, beyond just singing them? Gibran has written some really wonderful poems, with lots of timeless lines, like – “Rebellion without truth is like a spring in a bleak, arid desert”. I wonder if my kids have read any of his work? It really is good stuff. I wish I could find some videos of my son’s football team this year. There are a bunch from a few years ago, but no recent ones. You’d figure with all those video cameras out there, some footage would end up on the internet.
Every year on New Years, I make a wish for my children. Obviously I wish to see them, speak with them and re-establish our relationship together…but that’s a wish for me, which is different from a wish for them. They’ve had some wonderful experiences this past year, not the least of which was finally getting a new home of their own with their mother, which was my wish for them last year, so that’s good - great in fact. So this year was a challenge to find a wish that is similarly attainable for them and I came up with a few things:
I wish for them an awakening. I think this is a good wish because my daughter will be 16 and my son will start high school, both are milestones that often trigger an awareness in teens that wasn’t there before. I don’t know what that awakening will be, no parent really does ahead of time, we just wish that experience for our kids – that inevitable expansion of their minds into logic and reason and a sense of purpose they create for themselves by becoming more and more independent in thoughts and visions of their future, as well as truer, more experienced recollections of their past. I know this is a lifelong process – heck, my eyes are opened by new things every day – but it often starts here. So for 2012, I wish them a fresh start to their future, an awareness of what they need to do to get there, and a deeper look inside. Maybe they will even share what they learn with me.
And in the mean time …. how about them Giants! That’s our family team, we’ll all be watching and hoping for another SuperBowl win, and I’ll be thinking of my son every minute of every game. I know someday I’ll be watching him play again, maybe in the pros some day!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
December 2011
It's the most wonderful time of the year! The tree is up and the gifts are wrapped. Cut the tree down (just like I used to with my kids) as soon as it snowed; it is full of ornaments with my kids names on them, so they can be with me for Christmas. My daughter has a name I don't often find on pre-printed ornaments, or anything really, so hers are all hand painted. My son and I have easy names to find. My friends and family have been giving me these ornaments every year, so by now I've got quite the collection.
Been gathering gifts all year long, from places I've been and whenever I see something I think they will like. Wrapped them up nice and put them under the tree for a few days to enjoy before sending them off in the mail to them, this year to their new house ~ how exciting for them to have their first Christmas in their nice new home with their mom ~ I'm so happy for them! They're on their way to getting a normal home life back...now all they need is the love and support of both their parents, and their whole family, and they'll be on their way to healing and peace in their hearts. That's my wish for them this Christmas ~ wholeness and peace.
Football Banquet ~
Congrats again to my son on another successful football season! Wish I could have seen a game or two, maybe next year I'll be invited to come. In the mean time, have fun at the banquet this weekend....and go Giants!
Chorus Concert Tomorrow ~
Wishing my daughter a fantastic chorus concert tomorrow night. It might be a little sad with the two students they lost over the past few weeks, but hopefully they will find the music uplifting and something to be happy about. Wish she wanted me there to see her; I'll just keep waiting for her to invite me. Sing your heart out sweetie, I can hear you from here!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
November 2011
So much to be thankful for this year - good report cards with honor roll, a fantastic school play, a great football season, a new home, good health, and lots of nice friends and a loving, supportive family that waits for them. Wishing my kids a very happy Thanksgiving. We all love and miss you both very much!
A Home of Their Own ~
I am so excited and happy for my kids! My new years wish for them finally came true ~ their mother bought a home for them! Now they can finally have a place of their own, bedrooms of their own, a big yard for their dog to run and play in, maybe build a little garden, and of course the privacy and space they deserve to live in. I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I am, it makes me very, very happy to see this. Wishing them all the best and hope they have a ton of fun making their new house a home.
Happy 11-11-11 ~
Enjoy your day off kids ~ rest (perhaps) for my son but not for my daughter, she's knee deep in show time! Have a great time with the school play and all the fun special events that go with it ~ cast parties, breakfasts, dance lessons with kids. Wish you wanted me there, but I'll just think of you dancing and singing your heart out, and I'll just smile instead.
Hope my son's football season was great too and he and his team played well. Wonder if he gets a break between the season and off-season training at all. Maybe he can sleep in today, play a little Call of Duty and just chill. Enjoy, I love you. If you want to go out with the snowmobile signing crew this weekend with me, just call. It's a lot of fun (rain or shine) and there are a few kids your age on the crew!
School Pictures are in!
Oh wow...my son's school photo looks just like me when I was his age....what a handsome young man ;) I sent their photos along to their grandparents, great grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins ~ they all loved them. The photo printer made a mistake and sent a ton of extra wallet size photos and a beautiful 8x10 of my daughter so I mailed them to her so she could share them with her friends.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween - 2011!
Monday, October 10, 2011
October 2011
What great weather this past weekend for a wedding! Apparently October is a popular month to get married. My own wedding, to my children's mother was in October ~ October 20, 1995. If we were still married, it would be our 16th anniversary. If memory serves me correctly, the weather was nice on my wedding day too, although not quite *this* nice, it was a more typical fall day. Seems like so long ago.
On this perfect October weekend, I had two weddings to go to ~ a good friend of mine married his long time sweetheart, a second marriage for both of them; and my step-brother married his long time sweetheart as well, also his second marriage. My step-brother's wedding had an outdoor ceremony, so luckily it turned out to be a beautiful day for it. I'm so happy for him, he seems very happy and content, and his new wife is a delightful breath of fresh air who his children love and adore. It was also very nice to see his entire family there ~ his mom and his dad, and all their relatives. Even though his parents are divorced and haven't spoken to each other in years, it was refreshing to see the families come together in support of their children. There were similar "issues" on his new wife's side of the family ~ divorced parents who don't speak to each other, but who were cordial and gracious enough to give their daughter the wedding day she's always dreamed of, surrounded and loved by her entire family.
I thought my kids would like to see a photograph from the wedding that includes their grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins. My father and step-mother were of course in town for the wedding. They tried to call my children, to visit with them while they were in town, but were told that my children still don't want to see them. My kids are missing out on so much love, it saddens everyone to see my children go through that. As you can see from the photo, their cousins are getting bigger, taller, more beautiful, more handsome, and growing up ~ just like my own children. Everyone sends their love, prayers and best wishes to my kids.




