I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Friday, April 30, 2010

April 2010

Easter Sunday - the third Easter without my children. I remember how they loved hunting for eggs at my in-law's house and how pretty and handsome they looked all dressed up for spring. I sent them a package filled with eggs, goodies, money and gifts. I found these cute flowered plastic eggs that are just so my daughter. And goofy silly faces eggs that are right up my son's alley. I filled them with dollar bills and candy. This year I found chocolate covered peeps too and sent pink ones to my daughter, along with a giant gobstopper for my son, almost bigger than could fit in his mouth...almost =). While I was shopping with my nieces last month, they helped me pick out a few shirts at Aeropostale for each of them and I sent those along as well. My daughter's was pink and white and had a matching pink and silver necklace. My son's was a brown surfer t-shirt. I sent him a new pair of Nike baseball batting gloves too. I called them and left a message, but did not get a return call.

My daughter turned 14 today. Another year closer to her sweet sixteen and the third birthday I've missed with her. I called to wish her a happy birthday and was hoping I could at least talk with her. They never answer the phone, no one does. Which I guess is better than what they do to my mother. When my mother calls, they pick up the phone and then hang up when they hear it's her. It's very hurtful and mean to treat their grandmother this way. But we all just keep trying to reach them. For her birthday I sent her a pretty turquoise blue Aero sweatshirt to match her blue eyes and a matching blue and silver necklace similar to the pink one I sent her for Easter {post-note: this is the jacket and necklace in her school photo in June}. I also sent a three-pack of writing journals in hopes that she finds an outlet for her feelings in writing. Last year when she turned 13, I sent her a gift certificate for two to a salon & day spa not far from the house. I got it for two so she could take a friend, or her mom if she wanted. Not sure if she ever used it, she never called to say thank you.