I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

It's almost Christmastime!

I can tell because the house smells sooo good right now. Depending on where you walk, you can smell the fresh-cut Christmas pine tree, or the pot of homemade pasta sauce on the stove, filled with venison meatballs, or the freshly baked cookies ready to be wrapped up as gifts for the people I'll see over the next few days of Christmas, or the cinnamon or baked apple or cookie-scented candles burning in every room of the house. I love this time of year! The snowfall yesterday was a huge bonus, hope it lasts long enough to have a white Christmas.

Talked to my dad the other day, he sounds good, sent me a great picture of him and my stepmother taken at a Christmas party they went to with friends. Makes me so happy to see him smiling. His knee surgeries are on their way to healing and he'll be golfing before ya know it. Talked to my mom and sis, aunts, uncles and cousins from Naples recently too. Everyone is in good spirits, preparing for Christmas and sending much love and hugs to my kids ~ passing it along ~ muahs ~ everybody loves and misses you both, can't wait to see you again.

Did something a little different for my kids Christmas presents this year, hope they like them. Instead of a bunch of small things, they each got one thing bigger and more exciting. It was really hard to wrap them and even harder to try to disguise them so they can't guess (and even harder to package them to mail them). So I wrote on the outside of the shipping box to open on it on Christmas, because once they see the inside of the box they're going to guess pretty quick. Wish I could see their smiling happy faces :) They won't be able to help but smile. I'll post a pic of the presents here after Christmas to see if any of you can guess what they are.

In the mean time, keep dreaming those happy dreams and keep love in your heart, it's the only way. Know that as much as you love and miss me, I love and miss you that much more. We'll be together again when the time is right, hang in there ~ love always wins!

Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)