I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

July 2010

Not only did I see photos of my daughter wearing the sweatshirt and necklace I sent her, but she wore the sweatshirt in her school photo that was taken in June. I ordered prints and they just arrived. I absolutely cherish this photo and gave prints to her grandfather, grandmother, great grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins. Everyone commented on how pretty she is. She’s not wearing a lot of makeup, which I think is great, she doesn’t need it, she’s beautiful just the way she is. She looks just like me – the shape of her face, her smile and her blue eyes. Every time I look at her picture, it’s like looking in the mirror.

I found out my daughter was injured in a bicycle accident. It wasn't serious but she's in pain and my ex never called to inform me. I sent her a get well card and hope she's back to feeling better soon. I also sent both my kids a card congratulating them on a successful school year. I received their report cards and they both passed their first year in public school. We had always sent them to private schools, so it was a real challenge for them to be in such a big school with so many kids and activities to distract them. I'm glad they were able to stay focused, just be kids, and get through despite everything going on between their parents.

I went to the annual family reunion in Ohio without my children. Every year, me, my sister and my mom trek off to Ohio (from Rochester NY) to visit my mom’s mom. The last two years I’ve gone without my children. Everyone asks about them, their cousins miss them. Their great grandmother tells stories about them. I texted my daughter a picture of all the kids with great grandma, but never got a reply. If I knew my son's cell phone number I would have texted him too, but I'm not sure he even has one. I also sent both my children photo books of pictures taken at the reunion, photos of their family – great grandma, nonni, their aunt & uncle (my sister and her husband), and their cousins. I included some older photos of the last time my children were there, so they could see how much everyone has grown.

My father and step mother were here all month visiting from Florida. They moved down there full time a few years ago and now come up for a month in the summer to visit family and friends, and probably to escape the crazy summer heat down there too. They tried to connect with my children but were told by my ex that the children didn't want to see them and had nothing to say to them. This is very odd as my children have been talking to my dad here and there throughout this divorce and were always very chatty. My dad offered to visit with them with my ex and her parents present, to help break the ice a little, but my ex declined his offer. She says the children don't want to. My father is very disappointed. I feel bad for him having to go through this again, first with me, and now with his grandchildren.