I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Father's Day 2014

The other day I got the best Father's Day present I have received in the last 6 years. My Aunt Candy sent me a letter that my daughter sent her and my Uncle Gene back in January 2003, when my daughter was just 6 years old. It's the most adorable thing ever. I love the little butterfly stickers, it's so her. I wonder if she still has the photo she mentioned in the letter.

I love and miss my kids so much. I know they love and miss me and their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins too. I hope they know all they need to do is speak up and reach out. They are practically adults now, they can do what they want. There are plenty of people around them who will help them, they just need to ask. I will always be here, waiting with open arms, an open door and an open heart.

I will talk with my own Dad a little later today. He will be coming to visit soon and staying with me for almost a month. I can't wait, it's the only time each year we get to spend time together and as I've gotten older I've really come to treasure these times. We will probably go golfing, play cards, have lots of dinner table conversation, and a big family BBQ at my house with my sister and her family and our aunts, uncles and cousins from Naples.

I will also spend part of my day thinking about all the good times I had with my kids in their first 10 & 11 years when we were all together, maybe look at some old photos and listen to Jimmy Buffet, lol. And I will celebrate the delightful young lady and young man they have become, I am so proud of them. They didn't get that way by not having a daddy their first 10 & 11 years. My daughter is getting ready to graduate high school and start college and my son is wrapping up his sophomore year of high school. They both had lots of end of school year parties, concerts, banquets and travels - I am sure they are making wonderful memories with their friends and the other half of their family. I'm also sure they know the other half of their family loves and misses them and can't wait to see them again some day.

Lastly, I want to wish a very happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there - the ones who will see or talk to their kids and grandkids today, as well as the ones who won't. My heart goes out to you, as well as to my children.
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