My son just had emergency surgery to remove his appendix. My ex-wife called, thankfully, to inform me of this. It’s the first cordial thing she’s done for me in over two years. She said he didn’t want me to know. That hurts, a lot. I feel awful that I cannot be there with him. I informed the rest of my family. Not sure if my ex will take their calls to check on him. I spoke with her the next day to follow up and she was a lot less friendly than the day before. I sent her an email a few days later, she never replied with how my son is doing. I called their house and left a message, but didn’t get any return calls.
I’m sure my son is really bummed because this takes him out of football for the season, something he absolutely loves and enjoys. He was always such a good ball player, and I loved watching him, football as well as baseball. I understand he was second string quarter back this year, so his inability to play has got to be killing him. Almost as much as it kills me not to see him. Getting him to lay low for weeks and months is going to be tough. He’s a lot like me, always on the go, can’t sit still.
I sent him a get well card with a note and a few dollars to help with back-to-school supplies. I sent my daughter a card too, minus the get-well sentiment. It’s not much, but I wanted them to know I was thinking of them and wishing them a good school year ahead. This is how I’ve communicated with them for the past two years, through cards, gifts and letters. I have no idea if they receive them, they never respond and my ex never communicates with me.
My son’s birthday is today, the third one I’ve missed. He’s turning 13, a teenager, on his way to becoming a young man, and he doesn’t have his father with him to guide him. No one can replace your own father, not even the most well-intentioned grandfather, uncles, or step-dad. I feel especially sad because I was in the same position when I was his age. I feel sad for my own father when I think about what we went through and the harsh words I said to him. I wish now I could take it all back, but of course I cannot. I was young, stubborn and angry and had no one to guide me otherwise. I understand how my son feels right now. I understand, even though I don’t like it. I’ll be visiting my therapist in a few days, it’s going to be a rough session.
For his birthday, I sent my son a very cool black and tan camo survival strap bracelet, an Italian soccer t-shirt, a brown Aero t-shirt, and a jar of the best peanut butter in the world with cinnamon and raisins….something I found in Ohio last month and immediately thought of him. I bought some of the peanut butter for myself too and eat it for breakfast on toast sometimes. It brings happy memories of my kids. I called him several times, leaving messages that I'd like to take him to lunch or something, maybe it would give us a chance to talk. As usual, no return calls. I'll keep trying.
