I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sending love, hugs, and a great big smooch to my kids this Valentine's Day. It is the 5th year that my kids have suffered with only half of the love they deserve on this special day. So sad for them and the heavy heart they must feel being so isolated and confused. Tried to text them again, but my phone is still blocked ~ blocked from sending loving thoughts and wishes to my own babies.

I would like them to know, and the reason for this blog is so they know, that their family and friends will wait for them, and always be there for them ~ no matter what, no matter how long, no matter how painful, no matter the tall tales that are told, no questions asked ~ when they are ready to be whole again. We all love you Bucko and CeeCee. Hope you got my cards and had a wonderful day! xox love, Dad

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Super Bowl Time!

Can you believe it? The Giants are in it again, AND playing the Patriots again too, just like last time they were in. Looking forward to the same result :) and another great game. I’m sure my kids will be watching our team too, wearing their Giants jerseys. I always loved Super Bowl Sunday with my kids, they were all into the game. Every year we had a big party over their Uncle’s house, with the whole family, all the kids, and a few family friends too. It was quite the event with tons of great food – prime rib, lobster tails, and sometimes even catered Dinosaur BBQ. We would have the game board for the quarter and final scores and everyone would play, even the kids. They got a kick out of putting in their dollar for a square. I’m sure they still carry on that game day tradition and have a fun family evening. I do too, but I miss spending time with my kids and seeing them enjoy themselves and the game.

Football was always a big deal in our family. My son has been playing since he was old enough to run and my daughter was on the cheer squad for years. We spent our Sundays with the kids growing up running from game to game because they would sometimes be playing at different fields. We did our best to see it all. I don’t think my daughter cheers any more, she’s moved on to other interests, but my son is still playing and enjoying football. Hopefully he’ll get to play on the high school team next year.

I’ve got my Giant’s Bear and I’m ready for the game. It was a gift from my kids for my 39th birthday. I keep him in my office, but this weekend he’s home with me for the party. Go Giants!!!! I’m right there cheering with you, kids….love you both very much, enjoy the game!

UPDATE: What...a....game!!! Awesome game, all the way through. G-Men all the way. I'm sure my son is just coming out of his skin. Tried to text him, but it appears my phone is blocked...bummer. My dad called me the second the game was over, was so cool! Giants rock, paint the town bluuuuuuuue!!!