I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Fall - Summer Catch-up

What happened to summer? One minute my kids are wrapping up the school year and getting ready for chillin' and summer camps, and the next minute they are right back in for another full year of games, meets, reports, projects, concerts and theatre performances. Wish I could have spent some time with them over the summer, there were so many fun times they would have enjoyed....maybe next year.

The early summer brought an early start to the garden this year. I planted all the usuals - corn, tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, broccoli, squash, onions, garlic - and had a great design layed out, but an early frost and waaaaaay too much rain kinda ruined it. Well, that and the second year in a row of deer over-population. I think they thought I was growing a food plot for THEM! Will have to do my best to counter that this bow season, ha ha. Starting to get a little bit of veggies now. The corn half survived and what I did get was fantastic, so that's good. Not sure I'll have enough tomatoes for a pot of sauce, but the tomato-cuke salads with fresh basil so far have been amazing.

My dad and step mom came for a visit and stayed with me for a few weeks, in the kids' bedrooms. They keep pretty busy when they are here - visiting friends and my step brothers - but we had plenty of fun dinners on the deck and the usual (what's become an annual) family BBQ with my aunts, uncles and cousins from Naples. All the kids are getting so big. Austin is playing soccer, Evan is smart as a whip and really knows his hunting and outdoor stuff. Even Cassidy is getting quite the little personality on her. Aunt Candy retired this year, so her and Uncle Gene are whooping it up with friends and making plans for where they might go next, maybe Florida with my dad. They've been talking about that for years.

While my dad was here, my daughter had a theatre performance, so my dad and step-mom went to see her. They were thrilled. They didn't get to actually talk to her or anything, but they said she looked like she was having the time of her life, definitely in her element. At one point in the show, my daughter was dancing in the aisles among the audience and stopped right in front of my dad. He could hear her sing loud and clear and was absolutely beaming when he got home - chattering on like a teenager himself. I'm so happy they had a chance to see her while they were here. They try to call my kids to make arrangements to see them while they are here, but their calls go unanswered and unreturned, so they too miss out on seeing them. Also very cool was my dad ran into the guy who was making and selling videos of the performance and he ordered a few of them, one for me. So I will get to see her too, as soon as the video arrives, can't wait!

My sister, brother-in-law and nieces also came in for a few weeks, right before my dad came so their visits didn't overlap enough for all of us to be together at once, which was kind of a bummer. Things change as kids get older, their schedules and activities change the way families spend time together, especially when everyone lives in different cities. This year my sister's visit was so short we didn't even go to Ohio to see my grandmother like we usually do. I will have to capture my mother one of these weekends and take a ride out there. Gramma is 93 this year, every year counts! My niece Rachel was in a regional soccer tournament in Thunder Bay (google it, it's far) during the beginning of the trip, so she only got to spend a few days here, but at least we all got to see her. Spent some time with my niece Sydney who is going off to college this year, well, not exactly going off....she will live at home, but she's got a lot of hard work ahead of her, on top of a little job to help pay for it. Can't wait to hear how her first year goes! After my dad's visit here, he went up to Nova Scotia for 10 days to spend time with my sister and nieces, so they did get to see him afterall.

Also earlier this summer, a friend of mine had her first baby and named her Cecilia, they even spelled it the same....I was so stinkin' excited you would have thought "I" was having a baby, lol. She's the cutest thing, tons of curly brown hair, and will hang out and "talk" with just about anyone...not unlike my Cecilia. Yes, she too will be keeping her Aunts on the phone for hours at age 5, I'm sure of it. Sadly, my friend's husband got a new job in Florida and they just moved a few weeks ago, so I won't get to see Cecilia as much, but the pictures and stories on Facebook make my day.

Like many people in Rochester, I got to spend some time at the PGA Championship while it was here in town. I hope my son went. I would have loved to take him, but perhaps his Papa or Uncles took him instead. A rep from one of the companies I work with gave me two grounds passes to the 2nd round. So instead of my son, I took a friend of mine who works across the street from me. We had a blast. Spent nearly the whole day there and got to see a lot of players. We're so lucky to have such a huge event come to Rochester every 10 years or so. I went to the last one too. Maybe by the time the next one comes around my son will want to go with me. I sure hope so, it was a ton of fun and my son used to like golf, hope he still does because....

My son turned 16 a few days ago and many of the gifts I sent him were golf related. I know he mostly plays football now, and lacrosse and wrestling, but hopefully he still enjoys golf and gets out once in a while with his friends or his mom's family. If not, maybe some of the certificates will entice him to get back out there and give it another try. He's kinda an all-around sports guy, so perhaps. When he was younger, he was on a golf league with his friend Jason and Tyler-  they loved it. We used to take them out to Latta Lee to golf. Not too far from where he lives now. Like a lot of kids, baseball and football sorta takes over because that's what is most popular. Golf is something that your family needs to be into, we used to go quite a bit. I know his Papa works at a country club nearby and his uncles still go quite a bit, so maybe he still gets out. For his birthday I sent him a little souvenir from the PGA - to remind him that we have a father-son date for the next time, and a gift certificate to Dick's so he can get something he needs for football or sneakers or something. I'm sure he needs stuff every time you turn around. I sure wish he would call and ask me to help. I would call him, but that's kind of hard when your phone is blocked. He'll just need to find a way to call me. I'll be waiting, for as long as it takes, call any time.

In the mean time, here comes another year of fun. First football game was yesterday. Sure he played great. Hope he's still getting a shot at quarterback. Chorus and the school play are my daughter's thing and the play runs in November, so this is her busy time for that. Homecoming will be here shortly and my kids always seem to enjoy that too....the parades, pep rallies, bonfire and games. Have a great time kids and enjoy these years while they are here. My daughter is a senior this year, so I'm sure this year is extra special for her. After that, who knows. Sure hope she's making plans to pursue her talents, there are a lot of good performance schools around here and she certainly knows enough people in them to teach her the ropes. Love and miss ya both, very much. Keep an eye on Facebook and Twitter for the quick updates and snarky comments, ha ha....and I'll post another longer update as events warrant. Love ya!