October 2010

The Chilean miners are being rescued today. What an exciting day for them and their families who love them. I too will never give up hope that my children will be rescued from their own dark trap of growing through their (pre)teens without a dad. Everyday I look for the light, the way out for them, the way back to a normal child's life with the love of both a mom AND a dad. They too have so many people who love and await them.

Opening weekend of bow hunting, my first time trying it. My son would love this, it's so different from shotgun hunting. More strategy, more excitement, and they come in really close and you can watch them for a while. My second morning out, two young bucks came up under my stand. I watched them tussle with each other for a while, play fighting. Then I watched a doe and two fawns walk right by me like I wasn't even there. It was just amazing to see up close. Plus, you don't have to be way out in the woods far from the house, I can hunt practically in my backyard, which is convenient. Walking the fields nearby, I saw a young boy up the street has a ground blind a few yards off the back of his house. How cool is that? My son would love that!

My kids' 5-week progress reports arrived today. All I can say is WOW, my son is doing awesome, really concentrating on his studies and doing very well. All his grades so far are in the 90-100 range. I'm so proud of him! And, he's done this while recovering from his surgery and then getting back into playing football. So happy for him. Speaking of football, one of his teammates is in the running for the Sports Illustrated SportsKid Of The Year and in the television news coverage you catch a glimpse of my son walking down the hallway in school with him and then again running a play on the field. So exciting to see him on TV! I'm glad he has such nice friends and teammates. A lot of parents worry about who their kids hang out with. I've never had to worry about that with either of my children. They are smart, good kids and have friends who are the same. Oh, and yes, my daughter's grades are good too, but I have to laugh because every progress report always has at least one teacher who makes the same comment about her talking too much in class. She definitely needs to find a career where she can "talk" :) I sent them each a card letting them know how proud I am of them and their good work in school. I also asked my son if he would like to go to the Transiberian Orchestra concert with me next month. I told him he could bring a friend if he wanted. I hope he'll want to go. Even if we don't really talk about anything in particular, just go out together, that would be a fantastic start.

My son's school pictures for this year just arrived. The photo was taken the day after his birthday and almost two weeks after his surgery. How grown-up he's starting to look in the face, really starting to mature. And he's quite handsome, looks more like his mom every day. I sent copies to his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and great grama. They will be thrilled to see him.

Another great therapy session today. I like how my therapist pushes me to think different, I need that. I'm working very hard to understand the many reasons why my kids would be angry with me. It takes a while to let their perspective sink in, as I imagine it would take them a while to let my perspective sink in, but I do get it, really I do. It hurts, a lot, and I wish they would talk to me about it, but I do get it. What I struggle with, and I still don't get, is why they are angry with everyone else (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends). Maybe that will come to me, but right now, I don't get it at all.

Found an interesting quote today. It's from an old Disney movie Lilo & Stitch. "Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten." Some of the YouTube clips of this quote are quite poignant, especially the one with the mom.

Happy Halloween! Sure my kids had a good time out with friends. I hope they went to their youth group party too...probably a lot more fun than being out in this cold, wet snow. I sent them each a funny card to let them know I'm thinking about and missing them. Of course I have no idea if they got them. My son's card was particularly funny. Trick or treat!

10/10/10

What a perfect 10 of a day! Took advantage of the warm Indian-summer day to ride the country roads and check out all the colors. This is my favorite time of year, not just for the colorful leaves, but also for pumpkins and corn husks, and the smell of baked apple goodies and cider. Bauman’s was busy. Their tee-pee was up and full of kids playing in it. My kids loved our trips to Bauman’s in the fall and would play in that tee-pee til they were silly. We’d get big pumpkins, sometimes bigger than they could carry, and make scary-funny jack-o-lanterns with them for Halloween. They always enjoyed the hayrides, donuts and cider at Schutts and Brown's Berry Patch with their cousins. The pictures of them making funny faces at each other and laughing while I pulled them on the wagons at the farm make me smile….so many good times. I hope they get a chance to take a hayride with friends or their cousins this year and carve some cool looking pumpkins. I'll bet my daughter's pumpkin will have the cleanest insides ;) I bought a few and will carve them when it gets closer to Halloween and put them on the porch.

Also this evening, my daughter’s church youth group watched a film called To Save a Life, which deals with fitting in, casting out, peer pressure and reaching out to others who are different from you. I rented it and watched it too. I have to wonder if she understood how many of those concepts are similar to our family situation. Did she notice how difficult it is to feel love for someone when everyone around you ridicules them or puts them down, and how much courage it takes to stand up for yourself and what you believe in your heart instead of just going along with the pack. You don’t have to choose sides, you can be friends with everyone. I wonder if she sees the similarity in her words and actions towards me, the only father who will always love her and her brother more than anything in the world, the kind of love that will never just go away. I wonder if she sees how much it hurts all of us to be like this, to not be ourselves. Oddly enough, my son’s school had a similar guest speaker visit last week to talk to the students. I wonder if he too feels like he has to hide his good feelings because no one would understand or support him. I wonder if he feels strong enough to stand up for himself and what he wants, even if it means others might disapprove or disagree with him. Maybe it’s just easier to follow along and be like everyone else around you. I keep hoping that they will understand that scars happen in life and they are supposed to heal, and that love and grace is something you give not just to strangers, but to the people who will love you, unconditionally, forever.

And speaking of loving forever….our Giants won big….again…yeah! Okay, so it wasn’t too tough, but we’ll take it! It was still a perfect 10 day.