I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

July 2011

Ohio Times ~

Took the annual trek to see my grandmother in Ohio. All of us pile into a few cars and caravan down...or is it "over"?...either way ~ we all get together at Grandma's and spend a weekend. It was a quick trip this year because of my niece's soccer schedules. My kids used to love going to Grandma's because it was one of the few times a year they got to see and play with their cousins from Ohio and Kentucky.

This year, we had a barbeque at Cousin Lee & Michelle's house, which was great because it was stinkin' hot again and they have a nice pool for the kids to play in. They also have a big yard, a couple of dogs, lots of bikes, and a cool car that the kids enjoyed riding in. The cousins brought a pinata too, stuffed it with treats and hung it from the play gym....they had a ball.
My kids would have loved to have been there, and their cousins would have loved to see them. Everyone asks about them, how they are doing, what they are up to, how are their grades, what do they do for fun? I fill them in best I can, but everyone sure misses them and sends their love and best wishes.

Hopefully at some point before Grandma passes (she's 91) my kids will decide they want to share their life and love with the other half of their family (the half that includes me). Fingers crossed. Grandma is very worried about them and prays for them every day. She asked for their address so she could send them a letter. I hope she does. She does forget things though sometimes, she's entitled at her age ;)

I sent my children a package with some pictures of all the cousins and Grandma. It's a tradition of course every year to take these pictures. I hope they will enjoy them and remember the happy times and all those who love and miss them. I also found this really neat book for my daughter and sent that with the pictures. Every single word in the book was perfect for her (something you rarely find). Plus it had this nice music note shaped book mark that I know she will love.



Summertime ~

Wow, guess it's been a while since I've written on here, doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about my kids....I certainly have, every minute of every day. Hope they got my postcards.

I sent them a package a few weeks ago with a couple of movies for them to enjoy on their time off from school this summer, in case we get a rainy day. I know it's not much, but a little something to let them know I'm thinking about them. I reminded them that I will always be here for them, all they have to do is call.
I'm sure they are enjoying this great summer weather and getting out there with their friends and family to take advantage of it. This time of year they are both usually knee deep in some kind of camp ~ whether it's VBS or sports or theatre or whatever else they might be into at this point in their lives. They are growing and changing so much since I spent time with them last in early 2008. I looked back through some old photos of all the good times we used to have in the summer.
We were so fortunate to be able to do so many things together as a family, lots of quality time vacationing and having fun. Seabreeze was always a favorite, especially since it was practically in our backyard. We used to take the kids there with their friends to cool off on hot summer days, or for parties with the family. And speaking of backyards, our own was fun too.

We had a little pool for the kids and used to bbq or eat pizza on the deck together on Friday nights, that was our family night. We would stay out past dark and listen to music and sing together. I remember singing Jimmy Buffet with my kids, they thought the songs were silly and fun. I sent them a copy of the CD a while ago. I wonder if they got it and listen to it and remember.
Trips to Naples to visit my dad and cousins were fun too, lots of great outdoor adventures, stuff we couldn't do around our city-suburban home. My kids loved to play outside whenever they could, what kid doesn't?
We would go hiking at their Word of Life camp and out to dinner with my dad and stepmom when we picked them up after a week of camping fun. I wonder if my daughter has been fishing lately and worked up the courage to touch the fish? ha ha.

Summer time was also baseball time. I loved coaching my son's baseball team for several years with his best friend's dad. It gave us a lot of quality time together, although sometimes he didn't like how "fair" we were with our own kids. No coach's favorites allowed, a good life lesson even if he doesn't know it yet. I still have all the coach shirts, they make me smile when I wear them.

Notice how father and son seem to make the same goofy faces for the camera. There are so many pictures of us with those crooked mouth gestures you might think that's what we really look like. I wonder if he still plays baseball. I think he's more into football these days.

Anyways, just a little reminiscing on my part and wishing my kids more summer fun before it's time to get back at the school routine. My son will finish middle school this year and my daughter will be a sophomore in high school ~ time to start thinking about college plans....wow, time flies, huh.