December 2011

Getting Excited for Christmas ~

It's the most wonderful time of the year! The tree is up and the gifts are wrapped. Cut the tree down (just like I used to with my kids) as soon as it snowed; it is full of ornaments with my kids names on them, so they can be with me for Christmas. My daughter has a name I don't often find on pre-printed ornaments, or anything really, so hers are all hand painted. My son and I have easy names to find. My friends and family have been giving me these ornaments every year, so by now I've got quite the collection.

Been gathering gifts all year long, from places I've been and whenever I see something I think they will like. Wrapped them up nice and put them under the tree for a few days to enjoy before sending them off in the mail to them, this year to their new house ~ how exciting for them to have their first Christmas in their nice new home with their mom ~ I'm so happy for them! They're on their way to getting a normal home life back...now all they need is the love and support of both their parents, and their whole family, and they'll be on their way to healing and peace in their hearts. That's my wish for them this Christmas ~ wholeness and peace.

Football Banquet ~

Congrats again to my son on another successful football season! Wish I could have seen a game or two, maybe next year I'll be invited to come. In the mean time, have fun at the banquet this weekend....and go Giants!


Chorus Concert Tomorrow ~

Wishing my daughter a fantastic chorus concert tomorrow night. It might be a little sad with the two students they lost over the past few weeks, but hopefully they will find the music uplifting and something to be happy about. Wish she wanted me there to see her; I'll just keep waiting for her to invite me. Sing your heart out sweetie, I can hear you from here!

November 2011

Happy Thanksgiving ~

So much to be thankful for this year - good report cards with honor roll, a fantastic school play, a great football season, a new home, good health, and lots of nice friends and a loving, supportive family that waits for them. Wishing my kids a very happy Thanksgiving. We all love and miss you both very much!

A Home of Their Own ~

I am so excited and happy for my kids! My new years wish for them finally came true ~ their mother bought a home for them! Now they can finally have a place of their own, bedrooms of their own, a big yard for their dog to run and play in, maybe build a little garden, and of course the privacy and space they deserve to live in. I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I am, it makes me very, very happy to see this. Wishing them all the best and hope they have a ton of fun making their new house a home.

Happy 11-11-11 ~

Enjoy your day off kids ~ rest (perhaps) for my son but not for my daughter, she's knee deep in show time! Have a great time with the school play and all the fun special events that go with it ~ cast parties, breakfasts, dance lessons with kids. Wish you wanted me there, but I'll just think of you dancing and singing your heart out, and I'll just smile instead.

Hope my son's football season was great too and he and his team played well. Wonder if he gets a break between the season and off-season training at all. Maybe he can sleep in today, play a little Call of Duty and just chill. Enjoy, I love you. If you want to go out with the snowmobile signing crew this weekend with me, just call. It's a lot of fun (rain or shine) and there are a few kids your age on the crew!


School Pictures are in!

Oh wow...my son's school photo looks just like me when I was his age....what a handsome young man ;) I sent their photos along to their grandparents, great grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins ~ they all loved them. The photo printer made a mistake and sent a ton of extra wallet size photos and a beautiful 8x10 of my daughter so I mailed them to her so she could share them with her friends.

Happy Halloween - 2011!

Wishing my kids a fun and safe Halloween night. Judging by how many teens there are around my house, and will be knocking on my door, I'm thinking my 15 & 14 year-old kids will still be into the candy collecting scene, if they're not too busy with other activities...those kids never stop running - have fun! Love and miss ya Bucko & Cheech!

October 2011

Fall Weddings ~

What great weather this past weekend for a wedding! Apparently October is a popular month to get married. My own wedding, to my children's mother was in October ~ October 20, 1995. If we were still married, it would be our 16th anniversary. If memory serves me correctly, the weather was nice on my wedding day too, although not quite *this* nice, it was a more typical fall day. Seems like so long ago.

On this perfect October weekend, I had two weddings to go to ~ a good friend of mine married his long time sweetheart, a second marriage for both of them; and my step-brother married his long time sweetheart as well, also his second marriage. My step-brother's wedding had an outdoor ceremony, so luckily it turned out to be a beautiful day for it. I'm so happy for him, he seems very happy and content, and his new wife is a delightful breath of fresh air who his children love and adore. It was also very nice to see his entire family there ~ his mom and his dad, and all their relatives. Even though his parents are divorced and haven't spoken to each other in years, it was refreshing to see the families come together in support of their children. There were similar "issues" on his new wife's side of the family ~ divorced parents who don't speak to each other, but who were cordial and gracious enough to give their daughter the wedding day she's always dreamed of, surrounded and loved by her entire family.

I thought my kids would like to see a photograph from the wedding that includes their grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins. My father and step-mother were of course in town for the wedding. They tried to call my children, to visit with them while they were in town, but were told that my children still don't want to see them. My kids are missing out on so much love, it saddens everyone to see my children go through that. As you can see from the photo, their cousins are getting bigger, taller, more beautiful, more handsome, and growing up ~ just like my own children. Everyone sends their love, prayers and best wishes to my kids.

August 2011

Happy 14th Birthday Son!

Wishing my son a very happy 14th birthday on this gorgeous, sunny August 30th ~ what a perfect day for a birthday! I love this photo of me and his friends singing to him. It was the last birthday of his we spent together and it was so much fun. We took him and his friends out to this place in Henrietta that had go-karts, an arcade, miniature golf, and just tons of stuff for 10 year old kids to do. Afterwards he had a sleep over with a few of

his buddies, staying up late playing video games and laughing. There are a lot more photos posted on my facebook page, too many to show here.

Having a summer birthday is always a plus, he got to have parties at Seabreeze and of course the outdoor family parties too. What kid doesn't love to spend his birthday riding the water slides and amusement rides. And probably my favorite picture of the bunch is the one taken on the day of his actual birth, right there in the birthing room,

surrounded by the three most important men in his life ~ his dad and grandfathers, whom he was named after. Sending him lots of love and wishes for a great day. Love and miss you lots son, hope you enjoy your day and gifts! I thought that book of goofy "would you rather" questions would be something you would like, and I'm sure you can

always use X-box Live points. Not sure if you've seen The Green Mile, but it's a really good movie and I hope you like the popcorn, t-shirt, shorts and military stuff from my travels this summer. Love you Bucko!

POSTSCRIPT ~ Special thanks to my friends and family reading this who reached out to me with kind words of love, support and encouragement today. You made my son's birthday very special for me and I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such loving, thoughtful people. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart :)


Holy Birthdays! ~

There must be something about the cooler temperatures of November that cause all these August birthdays. Between my family and friends, it's been a non-stop party, even for people whose birthdays aren't *really* in August but the party is.

My god-daughter turned 16 this year and her parents ~ very good friends of mine and my children ~ threw her a Luau-themed party at their family cottage on the lake to celebrate. I dressed up as Don Ho-Ho, although I have to admit, only the adults seemed to know who Don Ho was, and even after explaining it, we still got blank stares ~ oh well. However, I did look pretty amusing covered in ho-hos while the kids did the limbo to earn them

and everyone had a good time trying to be the best. My kids would have loved it. My daughter would have been the best limbo-er there, no doubt. My god-daughter took her face-shmush into the cake in stride, even with her boyfriend there laughing right along with the rest of us. Everyone sends their love and best wishes to my children.

Also this month, other good friends of ours that lived right down the street from us had a surprise birthday party for the mom in their family. Her birthday was actually in May, but it was the only way the dad could throw her a surprise party without her figuring it out. It was a surprise all right! Their son was best friends with my son, and the dad and I coached the boys' baseball teams for many years together. He's getting very tall and handsome and he's super smart in school, just like

my son. He showed me the picture he has of my son and him in his bedroom, still hanging on his wall. He sends a slug on the arm (a boy's way of sending love) and hopes he'll be able to see him again someday.

And coming up next week is my son's birthday. He'll be 14 and it will be the 4th birthday party I've missed. How sad how my children still have this huge void in their life. I hope it won't always be this way, but for now I'll just keep loving them, no matter what, every day, and continue to wait for them. I'll always be here and my phone numbers will always be the same.

July 2011

Ohio Times ~

Took the annual trek to see my grandmother in Ohio. All of us pile into a few cars and caravan down...or is it "over"?...either way ~ we all get together at Grandma's and spend a weekend. It was a quick trip this year because of my niece's soccer schedules. My kids used to love going to Grandma's because it was one of the few times a year they got to see and play with their cousins from Ohio and Kentucky.

This year, we had a barbeque at Cousin Lee & Michelle's house, which was great because it was stinkin' hot again and they have a nice pool for the kids to play in. They also have a big yard, a couple of dogs, lots of bikes, and a cool car that the kids enjoyed riding in. The cousins brought a pinata too, stuffed it with treats and hung it from the play gym....they had a ball.

My kids would have loved to have been there, and their cousins would have loved to see them. Everyone asks about them, how they are doing, what they are up to, how are their grades, what do they do for fun? I fill them in best I can, but everyone sure misses them and sends their love and best wishes.

Hopefully at some point before Grandma passes (she's 91) my kids will decide they want to share their life and love with the other half of their family (the half that includes me). Fingers crossed. Grandma is very worried about them and prays for them every day. She asked for their address so she could send them a letter. I hope she does. She does forget things though sometimes, she's entitled at her age ;)

I sent my children a package with some pictures of all the cousins and Grandma. It's a tradition of course every year to take these pictures. I hope they will enjoy them and remember the happy times and all those who love and miss them. I also found this really neat book for my daughter and sent that with the pictures. Every single word in the book was perfect for her (something you rarely find). Plus it had this nice music note shaped book mark that I know she will love.

Summertime ~

Wow, guess it's been a while since I've written on here, doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about my kids....I certainly have, every minute of every day. Hope they got my postcards.

I sent them a package a few weeks ago with a couple of movies for them to enjoy on their time off from school this summer, in case we get a rainy day. I know it's not much, but a little something to let them know I'm thinking about them. I reminded them that I will always be here for them, all they have to do is call.

I'm sure they are enjoying this great summer weather and getting out there with their friends and family to take advantage of it. This time of year they are both usually knee deep in some kind of camp ~ whether it's VBS or sports or theatre or whatever else they might be into at this point in their lives. They are growing and changing so much since I spent time with them last in early 2008. I looked back through some old photos of all the good times we used to have in the summer.

We were so fortunate to be able to do so many things together as a family, lots of quality time vacationing and having fun. Seabreeze was always a favorite, especially since it was practically in our backyard. We used to take the kids there with their friends to cool off on hot summer days, or for parties with the family. And speaking of backyards, our own was fun too.

We had a little pool for the kids and used to bbq or eat pizza on the deck together on Friday nights, that was our family night. We would stay out past dark and listen to music and sing together. I remember singing Jimmy Buffet with my kids, they thought the songs were silly and fun. I sent them a copy of the CD a while ago. I wonder if they got it and listen to it and remember.

Trips to Naples to visit my dad and cousins were fun too, lots of great outdoor adventures, stuff we couldn't do around our city-suburban home. My kids loved to play outside whenever they could, what kid doesn't?

We would go hiking at their Word of Life camp and out to dinner with my dad and stepmom when we picked them up after a week of camping fun. I wonder if my daughter has been fishing lately and worked up the courage to touch the fish? ha ha.

Summer time was also baseball time. I loved coaching my son's baseball team for several years with his best friend's dad. It gave us a lot of quality time together, although sometimes he didn't like how "fair" we were with our own kids. No coach's favorites allowed, a good life lesson even if he doesn't know it yet. I still have all the coach shirts, they make me smile when I wear them.

Notice how father and son seem to make the same goofy faces for the camera. There are so many pictures of us with those crooked mouth gestures you might think that's what we really look like. I wonder if he still plays baseball. I think he's more into football these days.

Anyways, just a little reminiscing on my part and wishing my kids more summer fun before it's time to get back at the school routine. My son will finish middle school this year and my daughter will be a sophomore in high school ~ time to start thinking about college plans....wow, time flies, huh.

June 2011

Father's Day ~

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there, especially my dad for loving me always – even when I didn’t acknowledge loving him back, my step dad for being there for me and my mom, and my children’s grandfather for taking good care of them these last few difficult years – I know it hasn’t been easy for anyone. 15 years ago I became a dad to the most beautiful little girl, and a year and four months later to a delightful young son. I have been beaming proud of both of them ever since and love them both with all my heart. I remember all the wonderful times we had together, everything from ordinary days to special days – every minute was special in its own way, and continues to be. I look forward to more special times some day. I would also like to thank their mother, on this Father’s Day, for making me a father. Eventhough we don’t love each other any more, I recognize that I couldn’t have done it without her, and for that I am grateful.

At this moment, and especially on this day, I feel so bad for my kids - growing up through their teens without a dad. My daughter was 11 and my son 10 when their mom and I split up. They must be so confused about what really happened between us and not sure what to believe when their heart and their head tells them one thing, but they hear so many other things they feel the need to believe. I understand that confusion, more than they know. I wish there was something I could do to help them, but I have to wait for them to come to me for that help ~ every parent’s dilemma I guess.

On this Father’s Day, I want my children to know that I will always love and support them. I will always be there to encourage them to love and respect both of their parents, and all of the rest of their family, even people they might disagree with. I will help them love and receive love from every one, not just half of their family, but all of it ~ they deserve that fullness in life. When they are old enough to finally see, I will help them to find a place in their heart for everyone. It’s all about them, how they feel inside, and helping them to put their hearts, minds and actions together in one place. I will help them to grow in positive, healthy ways that honor their true feelings and encourage them to seek out the good and love in all of their family and the world. Love is so much bigger than hate and revenge.

In the mean time, I’ll just keep loving them from afar and wait … wait for them to figure out what’s really important in life and how to be true to themselves.

May 2011

Doing a little spring cleaning this weekend and came across a bag of old photos that my dad gave me when he sold the family cabin a few years ago. It was filled with a bunch of pictures of me when I was a boy, a teenager, and a young man ~ was fun to look back on those years (and my funny hair styles and clothes - parents do have a sense of humor, don't they?). You can see more of the photos of me on my facebook page.

There were also a bunch of photos of my children from the pre-digital camera era. We spent a ton of time with my dad with the kids. They loved his pool, for one. Swam like little fishes all summer long!

And there were a ton of photos from holidays at my dad's house, with all the cousins running around. There must have been close to a dozen small children around the same age, my kids loved it. In many of the pictures I'm right there on the floor playing with all of them.

Their mother must have thought she had three kids instead of two. Here's a funny pic of my daughter, toddling around carrying a package almost as big as she is. There were Christmases where we had to stop home between different family house visits to drop off all the "loot" my kids got as gifts. No shortage of grandparental spoilage there!

My absolute favorite of the bunch is a photo of my son just after he was born, surrounded by the three most important men in his life - his father and his two grandfathers (whom he was named after). It's a priceless photograph and I remember the day like it was yesterday.

Both of our kids were born in a birthing center, so everyone in the family could be there and witness their first moments. It was a wonderful family experience and I'm so glad we did it that way. There are a ton of photos of me holding each of them right after they were born, beaming proud of course.

Another one of my favorites in this bag o' pics is a photograph of my grandparents, my dad's parents, when they were probably in their 60's or so, maybe early 70's. It jumped right out at me, because of my grandmother's face. I immediately saw myself and my daughter in the shape of her face, it was uncanny, and I don't think I ever really noticed it before. I know my daughter looks like me, but she also looks like her other grandmother (her mother's mother). But in this one particular photograph, we're both a spitting image of MY grandmother. Plus it's a really nice photo of them. I think I'll have to frame this one for the house.


Mother's Day ~

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there, especially my mom, my sister (who is a great mom to two teenagers), and the mother of my children. Despite everything else, I can only be thankful to the mother of my children for the two most precious gifts in my life, that we created and nurtured together. Without her, they simply would not exist as the wonderful children that they are. When you boil it all down, it's as simple as that. And for that reason alone, I wish her a beautiful day filled with family and happy memories.

My mom is still in Florida playing snowbird, so I took a ride down to Naples to see my favorite Aunt. What a gorgeous ride that is, through the hills and down by the lake. My kids always loved that drive, and the swiss cheese church in town always made my daughter laugh. I got a Jeff Gordon tour of the golf course from my cousin's 7 year old son. I remember when my son used to drive the golf cart around at that age, he loved it, although I'm not sure his mother did. Most mothers don't. Overall it was a beautiful day to spend with family & friends, and I'm sure my kids spent a nice day with their mom and grandma. Everyone in Naples ~ Aunts, Uncles, Cousins ~ all send their love to my kids. Everyone misses them and wishes them well.

For a little background on the origins of the Mother's Day celebration ~ here's an interesting history of Mother's Day I found online.

April 2011

Happy April Fools! Wishing my kids of fun day of jokes and pranks with their friends at school. My son is the King of pranks, we were always goofing around with each other. Bet he and his friends had quite a few laughs today.

It was a busy day, between April Fools, the Met's opening day (bummed they lost), and surgery for me to repair a shoulder injury from my snowmobile accident last year. It was the first time I had actually been "put under" and I have to admit, I was a little nervous. I was afraid I might not wake up - crazy thoughts like that run through your head. Thoughts of going in for a simple procedure and then never seeing my family again ~ my mom, my dad, my sister, step brothers and brother-in-law, nieces and friends, and most importantly my kids. It was the same feeling I had holding my daughter's hand as she was put under for surgery when she was 3 or 4 and the family dog bit her face. Probably the same feeling their mother had when my son was put under for his appendix surgery last summer. All needless worry, but we still do. I think once you become a parent, the worry about your kids, in every situation you experience, just never goes away. The surgery went fine, actually very well and I'm back up and doing my thing, just a little slower for a few weeks.

Saw my former sister-in-law with her two very cute twin babies at the doctor's today. I got a clean bill of health, stitches out, sling removed and ready to hit the gym! Good day.

April 20 ~

Happy birthday to my beautiful baby girl ~ today is my daughter's 15th birthday, the 4th one I've missed :`( . I hope she has a wonderful day, filled with family, friends, fun and all her favorite things.

She doesn't have school this week because of spring break, so hopefully she can do something really fun, like have a sleepover or go out with her girlfriends ~ she has tons of friends, everybody loves her, including me of course, and all of our family that misses her, and her brother, so very much. I sent her a package of special gifts that I picked out for her on a recent trip to NYC. She loves to act and sing, so I thought she'd like some gifts from Broadway ~ just to remind her that the sky is the limit and she can be anything she wants to be, do anything she sets her mind to, and soar to great heights if she works hard and really wants it. I know she wants it, and more importantly ~ I know she can do it! She's very talented and has the charm and personality to match. So have yourself a fantastic day sweetie ~ I love and miss you very very much and will always be here for you, any time you need me, no questions asked. <3

Happy Easter ~

Wishing my kids a very happy Easter. I'm sure they will spend a nice day and share a wonderful meal with their mom and her family.

They are probably just a little too grown up now for an Easter egg hunt like they used to do at their grandparent's house, but I remember those times ~ they were just too cute. Pretty soon, their new little cousins will take over that event!

I sent them a "basket" package filled with Italian Easter Eggs, chocolate covered peeps (purple ones for my daughter), eggs filled with candy and dollar bills (who doesn't love a little cash), and a few more gifts from my recent trip to NYC.

My daughter got a Broadway umbrella to match the tote I sent her for her birthday, and a pink frilly scarf similar to the blue one I sent her for her birthday. My son got a very cool NYCPD hat that I had personally autographed by a NYC police officer for him. What a chuckle that guy got out of being asked to sign a hat. I also found a neat police car USB drive at the tradeshow I went to in January. When you plug it in the lights flash. I thought it was pretty cool. Maybe he can use it for school work or something.

I'll be enjoying the day with family and friends for a nice dinner and some baseball/golf watching ~ and extend an open invitation to my kids to stop by after their dinner with their mom. My door, table and heart is always open ~ love and miss you both!

April 25 ~

Today is Bubbles of Love Day! Did you blow bubbles at noon?

March 2011

Have you seen the video of the baby laughing? Cracked me up! My daughter used to laugh like that ~ that gurgly belly laugh. She was very ticklish when she was a baby and loved to be tickled. I would find her tickle spots and she would laugh and laugh, kick her feet and curl her toes she would laugh so hard. Of course we didn't have digital video or YouTube back then, but there's video kicking around somewhere, probably on some old VHS tape in a box stashed away somewhere.

And speaking of laughing babies, I went out to dinner the other night and there were several small children with their families in the restaurant. One was a newborn baby in a car carrier, the others were young toddlers around 2 or 3 years old sitting in highchairs amusing themselves. It reminded me of my children and how we used to take them out everywhere we went ~ restaurants, vacations, you name it. They were great babies, always well behaved in public. It's important that parents go out together and kids are socialized at an early age. No point sitting home acting like your life is over just because you now have children. My kids went to nice restaurants like Tournadeos and nice vacations like Aruba. My son was barely a year old and my daughter 2 when we first took them to Aruba with us. They were just a year or so older when we took them to Disney. Of course they probably don't remember any of those times and all the things we used to do together when they were babies, but they were fantastic, well behaved babies and we loved every minute of having them out with us.

And speaking of Aruba, my kids grandparents are away in Aruba right now, the grandparents they live with, with their mother. I'm sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Their grandparents are probably enjoying the peace and quiet of having some time to themselves without a house full of people. And I'm sure my kids are enjoying the same ~ being home alone with their mother without a house full of people. Maybe they will get that home of their own soon so they can enjoy that freedom every day.

Wishing my Irish-Italian kids a Happy St. Patty's Day. Hope they got to celebrate and have some fun. I stopped by a local Irish Grill near my office after work for some Irish dinner ~ gotta have corned beef and cabbage on St. Pattys! This particular place is the same place I took my son a few years ago for the father-son talk. He was 9 at the time and so embarrassed, didn't say a word, poor thing. I felt bad for him, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to have that conversation with him before the divorce. I know it is something he'll remember forever and I hope I gave him good advice. He's very lucky. My dad never had "the talk" with me. I was left to my own imagination and confusion to figure that stuff out. Boys need their dad to talk to about man-stuff like that.

Found out my daughter missed over a week of school, presumably sick. It's usually pretty serious if a child misses more than a day or two of school, right? It certainly is with my daughter, she loves going to school, if only to socialize and be with her friends. So if she's out for a week, something is wrong there. I tried to call and email her mother to find out what is going on, but received no response. Sending my baby girl a great big get well hug and I hope she is back to feeling better real soon!

February 2011

Wishing my kids a very Happy Valentine's Day! I smiled a little bigger this morning thinking about them, especially as I looked at the Valentine my son gave me years ago that I still keep in my gym bag. I see it every day, but on Valentine's Day it makes me smile even more.

I sent them a small package of "thinking of you" gifts, including a little something from a business trip I took recently to Las Vegas. I went to a tradeshow for the hunting and shooting industry. My son would have had a ball, there was so much cool stuff there, but of course I would never have actually brought him THERE. Our current relationship issues aside, Las Vegas just isn't a place for children and I was surprised at how many families with children I saw there. That's just crazy, why would anyone bring children there? It's definitely an adults-only kind of town. But I digress....the point was that I found this notebook with paper that you can write on that won't get ruined in the rain or by spilled pop or water, which I thought he would think was neat. I also sent him a DVD of the movie 2012 and a football heart of chocolates, along with a card congratulating him on another fantastic report card that came out a couple weeks ago. I sent my daughter a heart shaped mirror and heart tissues for her purse and a "Daddy's Girl" tin from Vegas, along with a Snoopy hugging Woodstock heart of chocolates. Her report card wasn't great, so I couldn't congratulate her, but I did tell her how concerned I was for her and offered once again to help her in any way she would let me. I also sent her mother an email offering assistance, but have not received a response from her.

A few weeks ago I heard from an old family friend of ours, someone who has known my children since they were small and always sent them cards and gifts and often visited with us in our home over dinner, birthdays and holidays. He has still been sending cards and gifts, even since the divorce, but has not heard from them or had any of his phone calls returned, so he tried to stop by and see how the children were doing, but was asked to leave. It's so sad how my kids have been completely isolated from so many people who love and care for them. It's no wonder they are so confused. They're probably having a hard time understanding why they can't have and enjoy all the love they deserve. I feel so bad for them. Life is so very short to throw it away on anger and resentment. I pray every day that things will change for them.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Wishing my children a happy, healthy 2011 ahead. I’m certainly glad 2010 is over, what a year that was, I’m turning the page and looking ahead with a relieved and happy heart. My divorce finalized in the last few weeks of the year and it’s time to learn from our mistakes, move on and grow. I can look back at last year, look myself in the mirror and truly know in my heart that I did everything I possibly could to be open, honest, and fair, as well as share and negotiate, with my ex-wife to support and provide comfort for my children. I feel good about that.

My wish for 2011 is that this will be the year that my children finally get the home of their own they deserve with their mother. It makes me sad to think of them living in a small 2-bedroom townhome with 5 people, and I’m sure that as much as my ex in-laws enjoy having my children around, they probably would like their home and privacy back. I’m hopeful that my ex will use the financial resources she’s received from me to provide a nice home for our kids. They have suffered enough through these last few years. If they can’t have the wholeness of the love of both their mother and their father, the least they can have is a room and place of their own.

As far as having a relationship with my children is concerned, all I can do now is love them, pray for them, and wait for them to become mature enough to understand that what their parents went through was not their fault, and that their father loves them very much and always will. It’s just a matter of time. Actually, I’m pretty sure my daughter is already more mature than her surroundings. All they both need to do now is to listen to their own heart and inner voice and think for themselves, which could be a challenge, but I’m confident they’ll get there.

I’ll wait and keep trying to reach them. I think about them all the time, and I hope they think about me. I did not call them or send them a New Year’s Greeting, but will send them something soon. Their progress reports arrived just before Christmas. The reports are just like they have been, except my daughter’s wasn’t so great. She’s struggling with a couple classes, but she had the same issue last year around this time and she bounced back just fine. I’m sure she will again. My son continues to excel, mostly A’s and a high B here and there. I'm very proud of him, such a bright young man. I’ll send them a note shortly, along with photos of their cousins that came with the holiday cards. Like them, everyone is getting big and looking so grown up. I hope they will enjoy photos of the cousins they have lost touch with.

Whether they chose to spend it with their mom or their friends, I hope my kids had a fun New Year’s Eve and Day. I had a wonderful evening with a friend I met in the snowmobile club last year. He and his wife invited me over for a night of good food, holiday champagne and great conversation with his family and friends. He has three boys aged 14 to 6 and they were a ton of fun, along with probably a dozen other kids in the same age range. It was so great being surrounded by such loving, caring, sharing people. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and had permagrin most of the night because they were all so entertaining. At midnight, as the clock counted down and we watched the ball drop, I thought of my children, the time that is just ticking away and the void in their lives that is just growing and growing. Hoping the past will be the past and we can look forward to a brighter and fuller future together. I’m ready and waiting, it’s completely up to them.