I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Friday, March 25, 2011

March 2011

Have you seen the video of the baby laughing? Cracked me up! My daughter used to laugh like that ~ that gurgly belly laugh. She was very ticklish when she was a baby and loved to be tickled. I would find her tickle spots and she would laugh and laugh, kick her feet and curl her toes she would laugh so hard. Of course we didn't have digital video or YouTube back then, but there's video kicking around somewhere, probably on some old VHS tape in a box stashed away somewhere.

And speaking of laughing babies, I went out to dinner the other night and there were several small children with their families in the restaurant. One was a newborn baby in a car carrier, the others were young toddlers around 2 or 3 years old sitting in highchairs amusing themselves. It reminded me of my children and how we used to take them out everywhere we went ~ restaurants, vacations, you name it. They were great babies, always well behaved in public. It's important that parents go out together and kids are socialized at an early age. No point sitting home acting like your life is over just because you now have children. My kids went to nice restaurants like Tournadeos and nice vacations like Aruba. My son was barely a year old and my daughter 2 when we first took them to Aruba with us. They were just a year or so older when we took them to Disney. Of course they probably don't remember any of those times and all the things we used to do together when they were babies, but they were fantastic, well behaved babies and we loved every minute of having them out with us.

And speaking of Aruba, my kids grandparents are away in Aruba right now, the grandparents they live with, with their mother. I'm sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Their grandparents are probably enjoying the peace and quiet of having some time to themselves without a house full of people. And I'm sure my kids are enjoying the same ~ being home alone with their mother without a house full of people. Maybe they will get that home of their own soon so they can enjoy that freedom every day.


Wishing my Irish-Italian kids a Happy St. Patty's Day. Hope they got to celebrate and have some fun. I stopped by a local Irish Grill near my office after work for some Irish dinner ~ gotta have corned beef and cabbage on St. Pattys! This particular place is the same place I took my son a few years ago for the father-son talk. He was 9 at the time and so embarrassed, didn't say a word, poor thing. I felt bad for him, but I'm glad I had the opportunity to have that conversation with him before the divorce. I know it is something he'll remember forever and I hope I gave him good advice. He's very lucky. My dad never had "the talk" with me. I was left to my own imagination and confusion to figure that stuff out. Boys need their dad to talk to about man-stuff like that.

Found out my daughter missed over a week of school, presumably sick. It's usually pretty serious if a child misses more than a day or two of school, right? It certainly is with my daughter, she loves going to school, if only to socialize and be with her friends. So if she's out for a week, something is wrong there. I tried to call and email her mother to find out what is going on, but received no response. Sending my baby girl a great big get well hug and I hope she is back to feeling better real soon!
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