I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

August 2011

Happy 14th Birthday Son!

Wishing my son a very happy 14th birthday on this gorgeous, sunny August 30th ~ what a perfect day for a birthday! I love this photo of me and his friends singing to him. It was the last birthday of his we spent together and it was so much fun. We took him and his friends out to this place in Henrietta that had go-karts, an arcade, miniature golf, and just tons of stuff for 10 year old kids to do. Afterwards he had a sleep over with a few of

his buddies, staying up late playing video games and laughing. There are a lot more photos posted on my facebook page, too many to show here.

Having a summer birthday is always a plus, he got to have parties at Seabreeze and of course the outdoor family parties too. What kid doesn't love to spend his birthday riding the water slides and amusement rides. And probably my favorite picture of the bunch is the one taken on the day of his actual birth, right there in the birthing room,


surrounded by the three most important men in his life ~ his dad and grandfathers, whom he was named after. Sending him lots of love and wishes for a great day. Love and miss you lots son, hope you enjoy your day and gifts! I thought that book of goofy "would you rather" questions would be something you would like, and I'm sure you can
always use X-box Live points. Not sure if you've seen The Green Mile, but it's a really good movie and I hope you like the popcorn, t-shirt, shorts and military stuff from my travels this summer. Love you Bucko!

POSTSCRIPT ~ Special thanks to my friends and family reading this who reached out to me with kind words of love, support and encouragement today. You made my son's birthday very special for me and I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such loving, thoughtful people. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart :)


Holy Birthdays! ~

There must be something about the cooler temperatures of November that cause all these August birthdays. Between my family and friends, it's been a non-stop party, even for people whose birthdays aren't *really* in August but the party is.

My god-daughter turned 16 this year and her parents ~ very good friends of mine and my children ~ threw her a Luau-themed party at their family cottage on the lake to celebrate. I dressed up as Don Ho-Ho, although I have to admit, only the adults seemed to know who Don Ho was, and even after explaining it, we still got blank stares ~ oh well. However, I did look pretty amusing covered in ho-hos while the kids did the limbo to earn them
and everyone had a good time trying to be the best. My kids would have loved it. My daughter would have been the best limbo-er there, no doubt. My god-daughter took her face-shmush into the cake in stride, even with her boyfriend there laughing right along with the rest of us. Everyone sends their love and best wishes to my children.



Also this month, other good friends of ours that lived right down the street from us had a surprise birthday party for the mom in their family. Her birthday was actually in May, but it was the only way the dad could throw her a surprise party without her figuring it out. It was a surprise all right! Their son was best friends with my son, and the dad and I coached the boys' baseball teams for many years together. He's getting very tall and handsome and he's super smart in school, just like
my son. He showed me the picture he has of my son and him in his bedroom, still hanging on his wall. He sends a slug on the arm (a boy's way of sending love) and hopes he'll be able to see him again someday.

And coming up next week is my son's birthday. He'll be 14 and it will be the 4th birthday party I've missed. How sad how my children still have this huge void in their life. I hope it won't always be this way, but for now I'll just keep loving them, no matter what, every day, and continue to wait for them. I'll always be here and my phone numbers will always be the same.
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