January 2012

No fun being sick
Feel better baby girl, I can see you now all wrapped with your blankets and stuffed cuddlies. Wish you wanted me there to comfort you and help you feel better, sending love and get well wishes. <3 Geeze, it's been a bad winter for this stuff with my kids.

Sundays and Football just go together ~
Even the dog knows....go Giants!! Pre-game preparation under way ~ gonna be yummy!

Update: Awesome game, so worth the good bessie with homemade accoutriments. San Fran is next, look out 49ers, we're hot and hungry for it!


How 'bout them Giants! ~

Watched the game with my kids, well, not actually *with* them of course, but with them in spirit, I'm sure they were watching too. The NY Giants are our team, lovin' them winning! I sent them a "Go Giants" cheer text to their phones. NFC East Champs. Let's keep it going G-Men. We'll all be watching the same game again next week and rootin'!


Happy New Year! ~

Happy New Year to my kids ~ I love them both very much and I always will. Nothing, not even time or passing years will change that. And no matter where they are, they are always in my heart. I’ll just keep sending messages of love and acceptance, knowing that one day they will hear them and understand that a parent’s unconditional love will never just stop or go away. I will always be here for them, even though they act like they have no idea.

I spent my holidays surrounded by my wonderful family and friends. Everyone sends their love and continues to reach out to my kids. With a few days to myself, I managed to find some videos kicking around of my daughter’s school chorus concert and shared them with their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They sang a beautiful song about children, based on a poem by Khalil Gibran. I wonder if my daughter took a good look at the words, beyond just singing them? Gibran has written some really wonderful poems, with lots of timeless lines, like – “Rebellion without truth is like a spring in a bleak, arid desert”. I wonder if my kids have read any of his work? It really is good stuff. I wish I could find some videos of my son’s football team this year. There are a bunch from a few years ago, but no recent ones. You’d figure with all those video cameras out there, some footage would end up on the internet.

Every year on New Years, I make a wish for my children. Obviously I wish to see them, speak with them and re-establish our relationship together…but that’s a wish for me, which is different from a wish for them. They’ve had some wonderful experiences this past year, not the least of which was finally getting a new home of their own with their mother, which was my wish for them last year, so that’s good - great in fact. So this year was a challenge to find a wish that is similarly attainable for them and I came up with a few things:

I wish for them an awakening. I think this is a good wish because my daughter will be 16 and my son will start high school, both are milestones that often trigger an awareness in teens that wasn’t there before. I don’t know what that awakening will be, no parent really does ahead of time, we just wish that experience for our kids – that inevitable expansion of their minds into logic and reason and a sense of purpose they create for themselves by becoming more and more independent in thoughts and visions of their future, as well as truer, more experienced recollections of their past. I know this is a lifelong process – heck, my eyes are opened by new things every day – but it often starts here. So for 2012, I wish them a fresh start to their future, an awareness of what they need to do to get there, and a deeper look inside. Maybe they will even share what they learn with me.

And in the mean time …. how about them Giants! That’s our family team, we’ll all be watching and hoping for another SuperBowl win, and I’ll be thinking of my son every minute of every game. I know someday I’ll be watching him play again, maybe in the pros some day!

December 2011

Getting Excited for Christmas ~

It's the most wonderful time of the year! The tree is up and the gifts are wrapped. Cut the tree down (just like I used to with my kids) as soon as it snowed; it is full of ornaments with my kids names on them, so they can be with me for Christmas. My daughter has a name I don't often find on pre-printed ornaments, or anything really, so hers are all hand painted. My son and I have easy names to find. My friends and family have been giving me these ornaments every year, so by now I've got quite the collection.

Been gathering gifts all year long, from places I've been and whenever I see something I think they will like. Wrapped them up nice and put them under the tree for a few days to enjoy before sending them off in the mail to them, this year to their new house ~ how exciting for them to have their first Christmas in their nice new home with their mom ~ I'm so happy for them! They're on their way to getting a normal home life back...now all they need is the love and support of both their parents, and their whole family, and they'll be on their way to healing and peace in their hearts. That's my wish for them this Christmas ~ wholeness and peace.

Football Banquet ~

Congrats again to my son on another successful football season! Wish I could have seen a game or two, maybe next year I'll be invited to come. In the mean time, have fun at the banquet this weekend....and go Giants!


Chorus Concert Tomorrow ~

Wishing my daughter a fantastic chorus concert tomorrow night. It might be a little sad with the two students they lost over the past few weeks, but hopefully they will find the music uplifting and something to be happy about. Wish she wanted me there to see her; I'll just keep waiting for her to invite me. Sing your heart out sweetie, I can hear you from here!

November 2011

Happy Thanksgiving ~

So much to be thankful for this year - good report cards with honor roll, a fantastic school play, a great football season, a new home, good health, and lots of nice friends and a loving, supportive family that waits for them. Wishing my kids a very happy Thanksgiving. We all love and miss you both very much!

A Home of Their Own ~

I am so excited and happy for my kids! My new years wish for them finally came true ~ their mother bought a home for them! Now they can finally have a place of their own, bedrooms of their own, a big yard for their dog to run and play in, maybe build a little garden, and of course the privacy and space they deserve to live in. I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I am, it makes me very, very happy to see this. Wishing them all the best and hope they have a ton of fun making their new house a home.

Happy 11-11-11 ~

Enjoy your day off kids ~ rest (perhaps) for my son but not for my daughter, she's knee deep in show time! Have a great time with the school play and all the fun special events that go with it ~ cast parties, breakfasts, dance lessons with kids. Wish you wanted me there, but I'll just think of you dancing and singing your heart out, and I'll just smile instead.

Hope my son's football season was great too and he and his team played well. Wonder if he gets a break between the season and off-season training at all. Maybe he can sleep in today, play a little Call of Duty and just chill. Enjoy, I love you. If you want to go out with the snowmobile signing crew this weekend with me, just call. It's a lot of fun (rain or shine) and there are a few kids your age on the crew!


School Pictures are in!

Oh wow...my son's school photo looks just like me when I was his age....what a handsome young man ;) I sent their photos along to their grandparents, great grandmother, aunts, uncles and cousins ~ they all loved them. The photo printer made a mistake and sent a ton of extra wallet size photos and a beautiful 8x10 of my daughter so I mailed them to her so she could share them with her friends.

Happy Halloween - 2011!

Wishing my kids a fun and safe Halloween night. Judging by how many teens there are around my house, and will be knocking on my door, I'm thinking my 15 & 14 year-old kids will still be into the candy collecting scene, if they're not too busy with other activities...those kids never stop running - have fun! Love and miss ya Bucko & Cheech!

October 2011

Fall Weddings ~

What great weather this past weekend for a wedding! Apparently October is a popular month to get married. My own wedding, to my children's mother was in October ~ October 20, 1995. If we were still married, it would be our 16th anniversary. If memory serves me correctly, the weather was nice on my wedding day too, although not quite *this* nice, it was a more typical fall day. Seems like so long ago.

On this perfect October weekend, I had two weddings to go to ~ a good friend of mine married his long time sweetheart, a second marriage for both of them; and my step-brother married his long time sweetheart as well, also his second marriage. My step-brother's wedding had an outdoor ceremony, so luckily it turned out to be a beautiful day for it. I'm so happy for him, he seems very happy and content, and his new wife is a delightful breath of fresh air who his children love and adore. It was also very nice to see his entire family there ~ his mom and his dad, and all their relatives. Even though his parents are divorced and haven't spoken to each other in years, it was refreshing to see the families come together in support of their children. There were similar "issues" on his new wife's side of the family ~ divorced parents who don't speak to each other, but who were cordial and gracious enough to give their daughter the wedding day she's always dreamed of, surrounded and loved by her entire family.

I thought my kids would like to see a photograph from the wedding that includes their grandparents and aunts, uncles and cousins. My father and step-mother were of course in town for the wedding. They tried to call my children, to visit with them while they were in town, but were told that my children still don't want to see them. My kids are missing out on so much love, it saddens everyone to see my children go through that. As you can see from the photo, their cousins are getting bigger, taller, more beautiful, more handsome, and growing up ~ just like my own children. Everyone sends their love, prayers and best wishes to my kids.

August 2011

Happy 14th Birthday Son!

Wishing my son a very happy 14th birthday on this gorgeous, sunny August 30th ~ what a perfect day for a birthday! I love this photo of me and his friends singing to him. It was the last birthday of his we spent together and it was so much fun. We took him and his friends out to this place in Henrietta that had go-karts, an arcade, miniature golf, and just tons of stuff for 10 year old kids to do. Afterwards he had a sleep over with a few of

his buddies, staying up late playing video games and laughing. There are a lot more photos posted on my facebook page, too many to show here.

Having a summer birthday is always a plus, he got to have parties at Seabreeze and of course the outdoor family parties too. What kid doesn't love to spend his birthday riding the water slides and amusement rides. And probably my favorite picture of the bunch is the one taken on the day of his actual birth, right there in the birthing room,

surrounded by the three most important men in his life ~ his dad and grandfathers, whom he was named after. Sending him lots of love and wishes for a great day. Love and miss you lots son, hope you enjoy your day and gifts! I thought that book of goofy "would you rather" questions would be something you would like, and I'm sure you can

always use X-box Live points. Not sure if you've seen The Green Mile, but it's a really good movie and I hope you like the popcorn, t-shirt, shorts and military stuff from my travels this summer. Love you Bucko!

POSTSCRIPT ~ Special thanks to my friends and family reading this who reached out to me with kind words of love, support and encouragement today. You made my son's birthday very special for me and I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such loving, thoughtful people. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart :)


Holy Birthdays! ~

There must be something about the cooler temperatures of November that cause all these August birthdays. Between my family and friends, it's been a non-stop party, even for people whose birthdays aren't *really* in August but the party is.

My god-daughter turned 16 this year and her parents ~ very good friends of mine and my children ~ threw her a Luau-themed party at their family cottage on the lake to celebrate. I dressed up as Don Ho-Ho, although I have to admit, only the adults seemed to know who Don Ho was, and even after explaining it, we still got blank stares ~ oh well. However, I did look pretty amusing covered in ho-hos while the kids did the limbo to earn them

and everyone had a good time trying to be the best. My kids would have loved it. My daughter would have been the best limbo-er there, no doubt. My god-daughter took her face-shmush into the cake in stride, even with her boyfriend there laughing right along with the rest of us. Everyone sends their love and best wishes to my children.

Also this month, other good friends of ours that lived right down the street from us had a surprise birthday party for the mom in their family. Her birthday was actually in May, but it was the only way the dad could throw her a surprise party without her figuring it out. It was a surprise all right! Their son was best friends with my son, and the dad and I coached the boys' baseball teams for many years together. He's getting very tall and handsome and he's super smart in school, just like

my son. He showed me the picture he has of my son and him in his bedroom, still hanging on his wall. He sends a slug on the arm (a boy's way of sending love) and hopes he'll be able to see him again someday.

And coming up next week is my son's birthday. He'll be 14 and it will be the 4th birthday party I've missed. How sad how my children still have this huge void in their life. I hope it won't always be this way, but for now I'll just keep loving them, no matter what, every day, and continue to wait for them. I'll always be here and my phone numbers will always be the same.

July 2011

Ohio Times ~

Took the annual trek to see my grandmother in Ohio. All of us pile into a few cars and caravan down...or is it "over"?...either way ~ we all get together at Grandma's and spend a weekend. It was a quick trip this year because of my niece's soccer schedules. My kids used to love going to Grandma's because it was one of the few times a year they got to see and play with their cousins from Ohio and Kentucky.

This year, we had a barbeque at Cousin Lee & Michelle's house, which was great because it was stinkin' hot again and they have a nice pool for the kids to play in. They also have a big yard, a couple of dogs, lots of bikes, and a cool car that the kids enjoyed riding in. The cousins brought a pinata too, stuffed it with treats and hung it from the play gym....they had a ball.

My kids would have loved to have been there, and their cousins would have loved to see them. Everyone asks about them, how they are doing, what they are up to, how are their grades, what do they do for fun? I fill them in best I can, but everyone sure misses them and sends their love and best wishes.

Hopefully at some point before Grandma passes (she's 91) my kids will decide they want to share their life and love with the other half of their family (the half that includes me). Fingers crossed. Grandma is very worried about them and prays for them every day. She asked for their address so she could send them a letter. I hope she does. She does forget things though sometimes, she's entitled at her age ;)

I sent my children a package with some pictures of all the cousins and Grandma. It's a tradition of course every year to take these pictures. I hope they will enjoy them and remember the happy times and all those who love and miss them. I also found this really neat book for my daughter and sent that with the pictures. Every single word in the book was perfect for her (something you rarely find). Plus it had this nice music note shaped book mark that I know she will love.

Summertime ~

Wow, guess it's been a while since I've written on here, doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about my kids....I certainly have, every minute of every day. Hope they got my postcards.

I sent them a package a few weeks ago with a couple of movies for them to enjoy on their time off from school this summer, in case we get a rainy day. I know it's not much, but a little something to let them know I'm thinking about them. I reminded them that I will always be here for them, all they have to do is call.

I'm sure they are enjoying this great summer weather and getting out there with their friends and family to take advantage of it. This time of year they are both usually knee deep in some kind of camp ~ whether it's VBS or sports or theatre or whatever else they might be into at this point in their lives. They are growing and changing so much since I spent time with them last in early 2008. I looked back through some old photos of all the good times we used to have in the summer.

We were so fortunate to be able to do so many things together as a family, lots of quality time vacationing and having fun. Seabreeze was always a favorite, especially since it was practically in our backyard. We used to take the kids there with their friends to cool off on hot summer days, or for parties with the family. And speaking of backyards, our own was fun too.

We had a little pool for the kids and used to bbq or eat pizza on the deck together on Friday nights, that was our family night. We would stay out past dark and listen to music and sing together. I remember singing Jimmy Buffet with my kids, they thought the songs were silly and fun. I sent them a copy of the CD a while ago. I wonder if they got it and listen to it and remember.

Trips to Naples to visit my dad and cousins were fun too, lots of great outdoor adventures, stuff we couldn't do around our city-suburban home. My kids loved to play outside whenever they could, what kid doesn't?

We would go hiking at their Word of Life camp and out to dinner with my dad and stepmom when we picked them up after a week of camping fun. I wonder if my daughter has been fishing lately and worked up the courage to touch the fish? ha ha.

Summer time was also baseball time. I loved coaching my son's baseball team for several years with his best friend's dad. It gave us a lot of quality time together, although sometimes he didn't like how "fair" we were with our own kids. No coach's favorites allowed, a good life lesson even if he doesn't know it yet. I still have all the coach shirts, they make me smile when I wear them.

Notice how father and son seem to make the same goofy faces for the camera. There are so many pictures of us with those crooked mouth gestures you might think that's what we really look like. I wonder if he still plays baseball. I think he's more into football these days.

Anyways, just a little reminiscing on my part and wishing my kids more summer fun before it's time to get back at the school routine. My son will finish middle school this year and my daughter will be a sophomore in high school ~ time to start thinking about college plans....wow, time flies, huh.