I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Monday, May 31, 2010

May 2010

I had dinner with a good friend of mine and his wife. They used to live down the street from where I lived with my ex wife and kids. We've stayed in touch, but haven't really had a good catch up since the divorce started. Their son was best friends with my son - those two boys were inseparable. Like everyone else on "my side" of the divorce, they haven't been allowed to see or talk to my children. Anyone who has tried to call or see my kids has been turned away by my ex, sometimes by being ignored, sometimes by being yelled at and told to stay away. My friend and I enjoyed a nice evening of good food and conversation. Something I was never really able to do with my ex. She didn't like to socialize with anyone except her family or people from church, certainly not with my friends. I was heartened to hear that my friend's son still has a big poster picture of himself and my son on the wall in his bedroom. He refuses to take it down and misses his friend. I hope someday they will be reunited and be friends once again.
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