I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

November 2010

Dia De Los Muertos. Both my kids are studying Spanish in school, so I’m sure they are learning about this unique remembrance holiday in Mexican culture. I’m remembering my Grandma today, she passed away shortly after my ex and I separated. My ex did not allow our kids to go to her funeral and be with their family. They did get to see her the summer before she passed away. I have a beautiful picture of my daughter with Grandma around the campfire at our family cabin. Happy memories prevail once again, that's what today is all about.

Happy birthday to me! My friends and family "got me" with a true surprise birthday party. Still trying to get my head around how blessed I am with such wonderful people in my life. They help me maintain my sanity and remind me that it's okay to want to be happy. I feel truly sad for people who believe that holding grudges, seeking revenge and manipulating innocence is an acceptable way for family (or anybody really) to act when life doesn't go exactly the way they planned or hoped. Sure hope I never get like that. I had a delightful evening of yummy treats, good conversation and fun cards & gifts. But as much as I enjoyed it all, at the end of the day, I just really missed my babies.


Oh wow! How about those Giants?!?! That's a good old fashioned butt kicking right there (Seattle). Woot woot! My son's PW Bears didn't do as well this year, at least not as great as they did last year. Last year they went all the way and won the divisional championship in NJ. I got to see a few of those games before the "you can't come unless you're invited" court thing kicked in. I have the team photo, with my son right up front, framed in my office and I shared it with the rest of his family. We're all so proud of him, me especially. This year they didn't get quite that far. But I heard my son got some quarterback opportunities - he had to love that. Wish I could have seen it. Still so very proud of and happy for him. He's a great ball player, always has his head in the game 100%. Maybe next year I'll get a chance to see a game.

It's count down to the school play for my daughter. They did the rehearsal performances for their classmates this week and now it's crunch time before the big shows next weekend. I'm sure she's having a ball with it, this is her thing, always has been, and she's very good at it. Not sure what part she has. Being her biased dad, I of course think she should be the beautiful Belle lead, but that's just me, dads are like that. I'm sure whatever part she plays she will play it perfectly and with that special finesse she always gives, especially if something trips up. She's good at improvising and making it work out and more importantly, making the audience laugh. I would give anything to be invited to go see the play. I don't even need to talk to her or have her see me if she didn't want me to. I would enjoy just seeing her be happy and have a good time.
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