I saw a photo of my daughter recently. She was wearing a sweatshirt and necklace that I bought her as a gift for her birthday. I was very excited to see this, because I haven’t had a relationship with my daughter, or my son, since early 2008. I thought, “she can’t be that mad at me if she’s wearing the gifts I sent her.”


My excitement was squashed when a friend of mine asked if I thought she knew the gifts were from me. This thought hadn't occurred to me. I thought “no, my ex wouldn’t do that”, but then again, I never thought she’d make good on her promise that if anything ever happened to our marriage I would never see my children again. I stayed in a loveless marriage just to be with my kids. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel disappointed and manipulated.


So, I’ve started this blog in hopes that my children will see it and know how much I love and miss them ~ always have and always will. I will never ever give up on them, and my heart and my door will always be open and waiting, no questions asked. And speaking of questions, maybe reading this will cause them to question some of the things they have heard, or not heard, or been led to believe. They are smart kids, I'm sure they will be able to see through the fog surrounding them eventually.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving 2010


Thanksgiving – my favorite holiday of all. Partly because it’s still fall, which I love for all the colors, cooler temps, and yummy fall foods; partly because of hunting and the possibility of adding venison to the Thanksgiving table; but mostly because of the Thanksgiving feast! I love a big fresh turkey and lots of stuffing, potatoes and homemade cranberry sauce. My kids *love* fresh turkey, especially the way it makes the house smell and your mouth water when it comes out of the oven to be carved for dinner. My daughter was just starting to help out in the kitchen the last time we had Thanksgiving together three years ago. I’m sure by now she’s a big help for her mom and grandma. Maybe she has a special dish or dessert she likes to make, maybe a special pie or putting together the sweet potatoes. My kids always enjoyed watching the parade on TV and then football all day. My son is a football fanatic and what could be better than turkey and football.

The other thing I love about Thanksgiving is getting together with family and friends to share the feast and give thanks. I’m sure my kids enjoyed spending the day with their mom’s family – all their aunts, uncles and cousins, and of course their grandparents. I enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with my long time friends and their family, we’ve known each other so long, we pretty much ARE family. My family is mostly out of town this time of year, so it’s been a change for me to not have family around for the holidays. I miss my kids very much. I hope they missed me too. I sent them Thanksgiving cards to let them know I am thinking about them and to congratulate them on good report cards, a successful football season, and a good performance in the school play. I wonder if they got the cards. A phone call, email or simple text would be nice. Maybe some day.

As far as the true meaning of Thanksgiving, there are many things I am thankful for this year. I’m thankful for my good friends and family, and for their love, support and encouragement during this difficult time. I’m thankful for my children, they are the most precious things in the world to me and I’m thankful that they are good kids with nice friends and doing well. I’m thankful for their mom and her family that is giving them the extra love and support they need right now. I’m thankful for waking up every morning and for living a happy fulfilling life with meaningful work, able hands to do that work, good friends to share good times, a wonderful family that is always there for me, and just plain being happy. I wish my children were around to share some of this happiness.
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